Literary Geek (?!)

“You have received this meme because someone thinks you are a literary geek. Copy the questions into your own blog, answer the questions, and tag any friends who would appreciate the quiz, including the person who sent you this.”

1) What author do you own the most books by?
* I’m not sure. It’ll either be Anne Rice or Larry McMurtry or Stephen King or Mark Twain… or Jennifer Crusie. D.H. Lawrence as well. I’m obssessive that way.

2) What book do you own the most copies of?
* JANE EYRE. For some reason.

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
* Who cares?

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
* RUPERT BIRKIN - A sarcastic, alienated intellectual who wrestles in the nude in front of a fireplace with another man. Very forward. Also, could be gay.

* NATHANIEL POE - He was played by Daniel Day-Lewis in the movie. It’s sort of automatic.

* WOODROW CALL - The strong, silent type who hates to talk but is prone to breaking your skull if irritated.

*HEATHCLIFF - The man with no last name. The prototype for the men in my life: Silent, Brooding and an asshole. Lola is to blame.

Monumental cads are hot.

4a) What fictional character would you most like to be?
* BRIGID O’SHAUGHNESSY: Hot,manipulative, murdering bitch with great breasts and long legs. Also smart, but apparently, not so much. (See ending of Maltese Falcon)

4b) What fictional character do you think most resembles you?
* BRIDGET JONES: A fat-assed, single, delusional chick who smokes like a dragon and tends to ignore nice guys so she could gallivant with assholes. Also, meddling mother and too relaxed father.

Wait… are we still talking about Bridget?

5) What book have you read the most times in your life?
* ELVIS, JESUS AND COCA-COLA … Kinky’s great to lift up your spirits on a gloomy day

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
* JUGHEAD JONES, WHERE ARE YOU? <=== I loved Jughead…I don’t care if it’s comics.

7) What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
* I’ve read so much trash that it’s too difficult to choose just one.

8 ) What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
* THE BRIEF AND WONDROUS LIFE OF OSCAR WAO <=== fat, geeky and lives in a fantasy world. Very familiar.

9) If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
* ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE — An inquiry into values…and do we even have one?

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for literature?
* NOT Stephanie Meyer.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
* THE CLAIMING OF SLEEPING BEAUTY … I’m looking at you Tinto Brass. This shit would totally rule! Disney execs would combust simultaneosly.

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
* Never thought about it… probably anything from Harlequin.

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
* VAMPIRE LESTAT as a balut vendor, moonlighting as a snatcher. Seriously. And we’re married.

14) What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?
* The mostest? well, hell. I’ve read a lot of lowbrows. I’m a lowbrow person myself.

15) What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?
* IVANHOE…in old english (a gift from lola. But felt more like a punishment.)

*WAR AND PEACE — the names are hard to remember but it was a great book. Worth the effort.

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?
* No plays for me. I’d rather eat shrimp and go to an emergency room than watch a play.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
The Russians. They produced Tolstoy, Rasputin and Fedor Emelianenko (^_^)

18) Roth or Updike?
Roth. Erotic in a nutso sort of way.

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Sedaris all the way: “Shit is the tofu of cursing.”

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Chaucer! He predates the two.

21) Austen or Eliot?
Eliot is a dead bore, so it’s Austen. Though I hated EMMA.

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
I loved the Howard Stern books and NO, I am NOT embarrassed by it.

23) What is your favorite novel?
THE LITTLE PRINCE. Period.

24) Play?
Tennessee William’s A Streetcar Named Desire. I haven’t watched it though. I’d rather read than watch it.

25) Poem?
“Phenomenal Woman” by Maya Angelou

26) Essay?

* “Why The Future Doesn’t Need Us” by Bill Joy. Scary and yet, too true. Robotics, genetic engineering, and nanotech - are threatening to make humans an endangered species.

27) Short story?
* “Grace” by Marcel Ayme. Wonderfully written, quirky and sad all at the same time. Goosebumps galore.

28) Work of non-fiction?
* LIZARD KING –A Jim Morrison bio

29) Who is your favorite writer?
Great question but too difficult to answer.

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
* Stephanie Meyer. And what’s up with the lion falling in love with a lamb anyway? I fell in love with a lamb once and all that got me was getting banned at the zoo.

31) What is your desert island book?
* Shucks… can I bring five? One of them would definitely be a Jennifer Crusie book and a Woody Allen. One should be able to laugh while one is stuck in the middle of nowhere with the possibility of death most unbecoming.

Although to be honest, I’d much rather have water.

32) And … what are you reading right now?
Right now? Right this very minute?

Construction Estimate. Goddamnit!