God, Please Save Me From Your Followers

Let me tell you of a major annoyance in my life lately: PEOPLE SENDING ME CHAIN MAILS  OR TEXT MESSAGES TELLING ME TO PROVE I’M NOT ASHAMED OF LOVING JESUS CHRIST BY FORWARDING AND/OR POSTING THE SAID MESSAGES TO OTHER PEOPLE.
 

Well, boys and girls, whether or not I love Jesus Christ is between me and Jesus.  How I feel or not feel about Him should not matter to you.  As I’ve always said, I’m responsible for my own soul and if it ends up having dinner with Satan on Judgment Day, it should not be anyone’s problem but mine.  Hell, I’m not even sure if I really do have a soul.  Besides, Preach Master J knows how I feel about Him; otherwise I would have serious doubts on His omnipotence.

 
But in the interest of satisfying the nosiness of the faithful, yes, I do love Jesus.  I mean, what’s not to love?  First off, I’d give you the mother of all my reasons: 

Jesus is hot.  He’s got long wavy hair, piercing dark eyes and a sexy goatee; not to mention the carpenter’s body.  I’ve seen pictures of Baal, dude, and I’m telling you, he ain’t much.  Alright, I admit, it doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that Jesus looked like that, but there’s no reason He wouldn’t be.  If God could bestow those good looks on Travis Fimmel, why can’t She do the same thing to Her Son?  Personally, I’ve always pictured Jesus looking like a rock star and God as a woman who had the brains a million times far, far superior than Marie Curie trapped inside a voluptuous Monica Bellucci.  And before you start praying for God to smite me, let me just remind you that there’s really no evidence that God is a man and no, the Burning Bush doesn’t count.  It’s just a voice.  So I don’t think there’s any blasphemy going on here.

 Jesus is also compassionate, quite obviously smart and awfully handy in tight situations, like being caught with a heavy storm in the middle of the sea or when you ran out of  food during your travels.  He could be relied upon to help you survive.  And with Jesus around, we’ll never run out of wine.  Nothing but good times ahead.  Also, when the mood strikes Him, He gives free foot spa.  Ain’t He the coolest?  So yeah, I love Him.  By the way, J.C. is not a wimp, contrary to popular opinion; just ask the money changers and the vendors outside the temple where He had a Holy Fit.  He’s no shrinking violet, that’s for sure.

 And what’s causing my annoyance is not really the question but the fact that there is one.  Just ’cause I may be too lazy to post anything, does that automatically constitute as a lack of love for Jesus?  Or the fact that I have no load to send those messages to hundreds of people?  Duh, I doubt I even know sixty people, and that’s with my enemies thrown in for the added count.  And just ’cause my Facebook said I have over a hundred friends, that doesn’t mean I know all of them.  I was not known for my superb memory. 

 A different subject title deliberately written to entice you to open it is, boys and girls, a form of deception.  Look up deception in the dictionary, mi amorres, and you’ll see that it’s quite similar to a lie— only with a different spelling.  I believe it’s one of those things the Ten Commandments told us to thou shalt not do.  Next time you post something, think about it.  Are you really doing God a favor? Or were you doing it because it’s expected of you?  Religiousness does not make a person better by default.  It’s what you really do when no one is looking and it doesn’t count.

 Please don’t be so quick to judge other people who are not as vocal of their faith as you are.  Just because you’ve never seen the person kneel or move his/her lips in prayer or held a rosary, that doesn’t mean he/she does not pray.  Just because he/she does not go to mass regularly that doesn’t mean he/she isn’t a believer of God or the Universal Goodness.   Remember:  God knows all and sees all.  Dont worry about us.  Me and God, we’re cool.