The World Is A Little Less Beautiful And Glamorous Today

December 11, 2008

 

 

 

But tonight, we lost an icon.
This was the message on Bettie’s Website by her agent, Mark Roesler: 

Midnight Ballroom Dancing

December 6, 2008

A man hugged me while the sky’s starting to fall.
It was the beginning of the end of the world.
I looked up so I could see his face.
I wanted to see if he’s dashing. And he was.

Then my mother woke me. I was dreaming.

It made me smile. I mean, there I was, about to die, but all I could think of was, “Is he hot?”
Stupid.
Or am I?
It was a dream but I fit perfectly in his arms. It was wonderful.
But we were about to die. We will never have our dances in the moonlight.

And then it got me into thinking, “Will I find anything like this in my life? Before I die?”
Which will be around 36, my appointed age of death. Which worries me because I might not actually die and suicide is out of the question. But that’s another story.

Sometimes, on my sober moods, I’d ask myself,

Will I find someone who would consent on ballroom-dancing with me in the moonlight?
Join me in midnight walks?
Will he want to eat strawberry ice cream with me at 4am?
Sit with me in anime marathons?
Let me eat all his fries without eating mine, pig that I am?

Will I actually want him with me during all this?

I’m not exactly looking for a Rodrigo Santoro clone. Although it would definitely be good if he’s nice to look at because if I say looks doesn’t matter, it would amount to monumental hypocrisy.

But more importantly,

Brad Pitt is Hot and Dangerous

November 30, 2008

Storming the shores of Troy in a sequined purple mini-dress and silver ankle boots.Clearly, The Hot Papa glitters in his bad-ass role as the fashion-forward Achilles.
(Work the silver boots, Brad! kisses!)

Those Golden Balls need some airing.
Sexy Brad is working on the Twiggy-Retro look.
(Nice legs!)

I wasn’t aware that Brad likes to cosplay.
He is rockin’ the Sonny Crockett mullet look.
*insert Miami Vice theme*

Brad Pitt in his most important role:
The Guy Who Took A Bite On A Hotdog.
(Screw Ty Durden!  Fight Club, my ass!)

…And Carrie Bradshaw’s deranged , Madonna-loving Aunt Filomena

The beginning of the saga of the gorgeousness that is Brad Pitt.
Clearly, there’s nothing quite as sexy as a man with yellow baseball cap.

Cant get enough?
Here’s the full length…

Now we know where Katie Holmes stole her baggy jeans.  Bitch had no style.

As an added bonus because, really, I’m a living saint…

I’m giving you Brad’s BFF—-The Handsome Mr.Clooney, as a young handsome child.

They didn’t get the votes for Sexiest Men Alive twice for nothing.  Ya Betta Recognize!

In the Immortal words of Mrs. Smith:
“Who’s your daddy now?”

By the way, before I forget:

People searching for pictures, wallpapers or info on Brad have an 18% chance of getting their PC infected with a virus, spam crap, adware or spyware. McAfee said other dangerous names include Justin Timberlake, Beyonce and Heidi Montag.

Heidi Montag? What the Hell? If you were searching for the bloody pictures of this camwhore, your computer/laptop deserves to crash. That, or someone should infect your eyes with ebola virus.  Also, Justin Timberlake.  The dude is still alive?

A spokeswhore for McAfee said: “Web surfers looking for celebrity gossip, screen savers and ringtones are often directed to fake Internet sites that look legitimate but pose a risk to the security of their computers.”

You’ve been warned. 

An Open Letter To My Once Ever Dearest Love, Keanu

November 26, 2008

Dear Kee,

Keanu, dude, I knew you were heartbroken and all when we broke up but sincerely, you have got to move on.  And start shaving again.  Just because it didn’t work out between us that doesn’t mean you should morph into some sort of a homeless/hermit/hobo.  When was the last time have you had a bath?  Bought clothes?  You were raking in millions just from Speed alone, not to mention The Matrix franchise.  What happened to your money? 

Would you like me to recommend you a less expensive hairstylist if you’re that strapped for cash? I know a gay beautician who does haircuts for 40 pesos with blowdrying and hair ironing.  With your looks, he might not even charge you for a shave.  Or for a bath, for that matter.  Of course, it’s located in one of the most dangerous barangays in Bacolod but that wouldn’t matter, right?  I mean, hell, you’re Neo, The One,  you know 200 or more kung-fu moves, surely you could beat up those homicidal junkies with bloodshot eyes should the need arise.

How do I know what’s going on in your life, you ask.  Well, there’s the internet.  I’ve seen some of your photos and I’m not happy about it.

Perhaps, if you take a good look at these, you would realize that you are morphing into a primate.

Evidence #1:  I don’t know how to even begin describing this.  Have you spent a week in an Al Qaeda training camp?  I want to strangle you with that horrible scarf.

Evidence#2:  If you’re going to have a damned coffee-to-go, you don’t have to bring both the goddamned cup and saucer.  I believe there are such a thing as a styrofoam cup.  Or a small thermos. 

Evidence #3:  God, there are such things as TABLES!  Are you not allowed inside the coffee shop?  Can’t blame them.  You need a bath, Theodore!

Evidence #4: OMG!   You are sleeping on the pavement…WTF?   You drive a  vintage Porsche and you own  at least 2 Norton Commandos and yet, you can’t afford a house?  Even a room?

Let’s take a closer look, shall we…

Those boots are horrible!

Evidence #5:  Is that you, Judas Iscariot?  Would you like to use your 30 pieces of silver for a bath and a shave?
(The background is badass, dude!)

 

Evidence #6:  If you think throwing up at the side of the road would bring me back to your arms for a sweet reconciliation, think again.  I love you, but this just doesn’t cut it.

Evidence #7:  What, is that gesture for me?  Do that again and I’ll break all your fingers.  That belligerent attitude would get you nowhere.  Besides, Lola won’t approve.  She won’t read a Novena for you.

Evidence #8:  What are you doing gallivanting in the middle of the road without your shoes on?  Are you crazy?  You might splinter your feet or something.  Get a flip-flop, at least!

Evidence #9:  Kee, pay attention:  There is NO such thing as hobo chic. 

Evidence #10:  Is that shoe your new girlfriend?  You take it everywhere and it looks horrible. 

You used to look like this, remember?  Don’t you miss this face?
Please, do NOT fight the hotness. 

With All My Love,

  Pines 

FOOTNOTE:

The images that started the goddamned  gay rumors…

 

These are some publicity shots for some damned theater production that Keanu  starred in when he was  younger.  I forgot the name because, well, who cared about it?  It’s probably crap anyway.  Like Chain Reaction—an awful waste of the brilliantness that is Morgan Freeman.

 
 

God Has A Facebook

November 22, 2008

Self-Portrait. Maybe.

July 14, 2008

 Meself…Unfinished

 It’s a sad, sad day in my own little world when I couldn’t doodle myself looking much better than this half-assed attempt at self-portrait.  And swear to God, my nose is not as horrible as that.  Well, it’s not exactly Patrician or some such but sincerely, it didn’t look like an exploding tomato in the face.  Really.
 
(Protesting too much, am I…) 

 

 And just ’cause I felt like it—

JIMI HENDRIX -Foxy Lady

 

 

 

Here’s to you, Mr. Franco

July 13, 2008

 

He’s got a brain and he’s not afraid to use it! 

The gorgeousness that is James Franco graduated from UCLA last month at the age of 30 after quietly taking English Literature for years. Apparently, it won’t end there.  In September, it was said he’s moving to New York from LA so he could attend graduate school at NYU.

According to Perez Hilton(or his source), that gay blogger I’m so addicted to, Mr. Franco is “super intelligent and really nice”.  Yeah? 

So what’s a girl to do?  Google him, of course.

And I found out the dude likes reading anything by James Joyce, and listed Lord of the Flies and Remembrance of Things Past among others, as his favorite books. And also, he likes to paint.  His first exhibit was at Glu Gallery in 2006.

Me is very impressed here, dude, especially because you’ve read Lord of the Flies. Without falling asleep.  On the first two pages.  Which I did.  And which is why I will NEVER have a degree in English Literature.

My first beer for the day is raised for you, James.  May you continue to be as gorgeous as ever!

And yeah, on your degree too! 

 

 

*SIGH*

June 25, 2008

I miss the days when i was fifteen.  Young, reckless and relatively happy.

I miss the walks and playing football in the rain.

I miss those laughters ringing even in the midst of failure.

Those bittersweet moments when I had my first crush on my first enemy — the first urge to be a lady but somehow failing miserably. 

The first heartbreak —- the ability to get over it fast.

I miss those days when I can’t hardly wait to chase my dreams.

The fiery determination…The irrepressible will.

The passion to live and breathe. 

Yes, those were the days I miss the most. 

 

Now I am older.

I don’t walk in the rain anymore and I’m too tired to play football.  

I’m so busy I sometimes forget to appreciate the humor in things much less laugh when faced with impending failure.

I still fail to be a lady…and sometimes it can be frustrating especially when the situation calls for it.  When you’re young, it’s kind of cute.  But when you’re older it doesn’t seem so anymore.

The fire, the passion, where are they now?  

My determination seemed to be all used up just trying to wake up in the morning.

I’m 26…and there’s no click in my heels.

 

Penny’s Wistful Soundtrack of the Day:

(Forever Young by Alphaville)

 

 

…What I’d give to be fifteen again…

 

***Not a good day, all in all ***

 

 

 

Better Late Than Never

June 23, 2008

Ever heard of the saying “the early bird catches the worm”?

Well, in the twenty-six years of my existence on earth, I NEVER did catch a worm.  

Take for example, David Cook won the American Idol last May and yes, I’ve heard of him but it was just this morning that I’ve heard of his version of Mariah’s “Always Be My Baby” and at our office building’s parking lot of all places.  For some reason beyond my ken, I started tearing up.  The next thing I know, I was crying.  There I was, standing in the middle of the parking lot, 15-minutes late, clutching the thermos of my morning ration of coffee and bawling.  It wasn’t until later that I thought of how ridiculous i must’ve looked in front of the security guards, the construction foreman and assorted hangers-on who was taking a break at the nearest cafeteria.  It’s just that I was so moved by the song that I got caught in the moment.  That’s the problem with me.  I usually just do whatever I felt like doing regardless of where I am at that time.  It was just September of last year that I decided to cry outside the Bacolod City Hall at around 9:30 AM…to the horror of my friend. And if you’ve been to Bacolod you would know that our so-called city hall is an eyesore.  Its only saving grace is the fountain and even that was INfrequently maintenanced, if at all.  But that was neither here nor there.

As soon as I got near a phone, I called Jane and told her about it.  Like, “have you heard this guy version of ‘always be my baby’?” (I didn’t even know it was David Cook’s) and she told me in a dull voice that yes, she heard of it and it was already overplayed in the radio stations that she was slowly getting nauseated at the mere mention of the song although that doesn’t change the fact that David Cook has a hot voice.  I got into thinking. David Cook sang it? I’ll check him out at Perez Hilton again…

By now, I have “Always be My Baby”, “Hello” and “Dare You To Move”.  I downloaded it as soon as I got home. 

And speaking of late…

 

KG, I know we’ve broken up a long time ago and you’ve got a family now and all, but I just want you to know that I’m happy for you even if your Game 5 sucked ass!  I’m glad that you didn’t turn out to be another Karl Malone or  Charles Barkley.  Both of whom may be a great player but neither won the championships.  Which is pretty much the whole point of joining NBA.  

Congratulations on the new bling, dude.  I sincerely hope your championship is not a fluke.

 

Mama, I Love You, But Please Shut Up! T_T

June 22, 2008

I’ve been having these dizzy spells lately and as my other “spells” go, it kind of freaked out my family.  Anaemia, Low Blood Sugar and Dehydration were mentioned and my father even pointed out that my over-consumption of Doritos and Coke and my lack of nutritious food such as rice and vegetable  was the root of all this.  That and the fact that I only sleep three to four hours a night.  Only a mutant—such as myself could survive this sort of existence, he told me peevishly.  As was my wont, I let him vent. 

But frankly, I’m pissed that nobody ever suggested that I’m pregnant. Hell, I even threw up one morning and nobody squeaked, “OMG, Pines is pregnant!” just the usual, “You should stop chugging Coke all day!”  I beg to differ.  I don’t drink Coke all day, I drink coffee around noon and around three so technically, NOT Coke the whole day.  In my irritation, I told them I was three months pregnant.  Nobody even paused just to let it sink in.  My cousin immediately made a comeback without taking his eyes off the PBA game:  “What are you now, the Immaculate Concepcion? Jeez…just cause you have a Maria in your name…get real!”  My father was busy tinkering with Lola’s alarm clock.  My mother however, was worried.  “It’s Anaemia for sure…” she said, as if bracing herself for oncoming Armageddon.  I rolled my eyes and locked myself in my room.  This not-having-a-boyfriend-situation is really pissing me off.  I should probably just hire a male stripper to aggravate my hardcore Catholic family but I doubt it would end well.  Tried it last time with the rest of my friends but it didn’t work out (that’s another story).

 

“MAMA, I LOVE YOU, BUT PLEASE SHUT UP!” 

Turns out, my mother couldn’t sleep so without even consulting me, she went and made an appointment with our family doctor. I wasn’t able to do anything except call the office and tell them that I might be late going in or not at all, depends really then I hung up.  Ma, of course, accompanied me because, well, God forbid i should discover a major disease without her.   As soon as we got to the doctor’s, Ma was all chummy with the receptionist.  They’re on first name basis mostly because of me. What with Migraines, Ulcers, Asthma…I frequently visit them.  Anyway, I hung outside for awhile and was dying for a smoke but couldn’t because my mother would raise holy hell when she sees me lighting one.  I could tell she was already filling in Miss Anne about my latest condition.  I decided to go in to do damage control since my mother could exxaggerate when she’s worried.  It may just be dizzy spells but to hear my mother say it, one would think I was dying.

 

A s soon as I got in, who should I see first?  Not my worried Ma or Miss Anne—But a doppelganger of GAEL GARCIA BERNAL and he was listening to my mother vent on my habits with a smile on his face!  Goddammit!  Didn’t anyone ever told him that listening in on conversations was a bad habit?  But the way my mother was talking, it was listen or go deaf! To make matters worse, my mother would sometimes turn to look at him, as if it was really okay for her to lip about me on total strangers—however gorgeous they might be! 
“…Is it really okay for a twenty-six-year-old female to go lock herself in her room and watch cartoons all weekend? She even sometimes buys herself toys, could you believe that?”  She asked GAEL#2 in her incredulous voice, and the dude just smiled.

 

On second thought, it’s twice worse if your mother lips about you to gorgeous total strangers! 

 

 Gael Garcia Bernal

 

Good thing Miss Anne saw me and said hello.  They all turned to look at me and GAEL#2  gave me a curious look and he smiled. He even gave his seat up so I could sit beside my traitorous mother. I smiled as if my mother just didn’t skewer my reputation.  Miss Anne asked about my latest ailment and I told her about it.  Then she said…
 
Miss Anne:  How often do you experience this spells?
Me:  three-four times a day.
Miss Anne (smiling mischievoulsy):  Do you have a boyfriend?  Maybe you’re…
 
I tried to answer only to be interrupted by my mother.
 
Ma (laughing):  No way she’s pregnant, Anne!  Pines doesn’t even have a boyfriend, the girl’s a virgin!
 
I must’ve groaned aloud because GAEL#2 looked up just in time to see me rolling my eyes.  I could see from his demeanor that he was trying not to laugh.  He even had the gall to check me out.

    * Doraemon T-Shirt:  Check
    * Old skinny jeans: Check
    * Jansport backpack with Son Gokou and Uryuu Ishida keychains: Check
    * Beat-up striped Chucks: Check
    * Samurai top-knot: Check
    * hot pink nail polish: Check

(Sorry for the wardrobe, dude.  I spend my day in construction.  Stilletos does not exactly do well with walking on gravel or climbing scaffolds.)
 
At this point, I was waiting for the floor tiles to swallow me whole…or for GAEL#2 to just disappear into thin air.  Hell, I don’t care how just as long as he does.  No such luck.  But my Ma and Miss Anne thankfully, had moved on to other topics.  GAEL#2, judging from his appearance: Cleanly pressed polo shirt, slacks, polished shoes and a huge black bag, is a MedRep and will probably stay even after I leave.  The dude is there to pimp his medicine. And God Bless those medicines!
 
VERDICT:
 
Anaemic.  And I have a premature heartbeat.  Now, i’ve watched HOUSE and from what i understand, if you have
an extra heartbeat, you’re pretty much fucked.  Probably a tumor in the regions of my heart  where surgery would be tricky and I WOULD PROBABLY DIE.  And as a virgin.
 
Hell, why not?  It couldn’t get any worse!
 
Good thing my doctor assured me that it’s nothing to worry about.  I’m not dying or anything.  Just gave me another set of medication and I’m done.  I have to come back after three weeks for a blood count.

 

If my mother would not suck the life out me first, yes, I’ll go back.

Why I Have Ulcers

June 16, 2008

 

 

Today I realized that most of my sickness came from worrying about things that I should not be worried about.  Sometimes a day would go by with everything running smoothly and immediately I would think of something that went wrong but I had somehow missed it.  

I think I am rather uncomfortable with perfection. 

Spaced Out!

June 12, 2008

 Ulquiorra Schiffer, Quattro Espada 

This is what I should NOT do during meetings:  Doodling and dreaming of food—kwek kwek in this instance.
 

***I apologize for the strange tones of Mr. Ulquiorra’s hair.  And no, it’s not supposed to be highlights…I merely ran out of ink. 

My Soul Did Not Dance Today

June 11, 2008

…Boston leads series 2-1 (I would prefer it to be 3-0 because I’m totally making a voodoo doll of Kobe and stick pins on it!)

…Just finished watching the latest episode of the awesomeness that is BLEACH—Only to find out that they didn’t include the fights between:

• The totally kickass 11th Squad Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and the 5th Espada, Nnoita Jiruga
• The icy 6th Squad Captain Kuchiki Byakuya and the 7th Espada, Zomari Le Roux (seriously, did anyone expect him to survive? o_o)
• And finally, the Battle of the Crazy-Assed Scientists:  12th Squad Captain Mayurin Kurotsuchi and the fashion conscious 8th Espada, Syazel Aporro (<==Totally looking forward to this one!)

… Pending Bankruptcy

… Sighting of demonic ex-boss

… Just found out Regine Velasquez is going to play Kim Sam Soon

… Plotting Structurals the entire day 

… NO INTERNET CONNECTION AT THE OFFICE!  *verge of breaking down* 

  

"Every Beginning Is Always a Sequel"

June 10, 2008

…And the book of events is always open half-way through.

(Naks! Do I even know what I’m talking about? ^_^ )

Before anything else, I would like to welcome myself (hehe) on what I would now refer to as my “secret blog”, where I could rant however I want without the additional worry of anyone I know finding out about it.  Like the time when I told my ex-boss in my old blog to “eat shit” or somesuch and he had read it.  Then we saw each other.  All kinds of awkward and dagger looks commence, I tell you.

And yes, to vent out my ten-year-unrequited-love-that-no-one-knew-about.  Quite deluded of me to think, nee, hope!–that something might actually come of it, when in truth, he hates me like the Arabs hate the Jews and would likely vote for death penalty should I get caught jaywalking.  Everytime I see him I’m at the verge of having a mild stroke…of suppression.  Because, really, who wants to be painted as a masochist?  Not me.  Sincerely.  Even if all evidence points to the contrary.

I’ll bring out the beer and coffee crumble ice cream now to celebrate my chronicles of dottiness.  Not that I needed a reason to bring out the abovementioned.  My friend commented on the absurdity of eating ice cream with beer, and I told her to at least try it once and she’ll know why I love the combination.

Now instead of buying chichirya, we buy ice cream.  ^_^